Randolph J. Strummer Jr., Editor & Publisher.  Strummer, 57, began his career in 1978 at the Honolulu Advertiser, getting ahead largely by doing things backward.  He laughs when people put in their biographies that they enjoy “long walks on the beach,” as saying so is wholly unoriginal.  But he really does enjoy taking long walks on the beach.  Once, he began walking a beach near Miami and kept going for another 1,300 miles before reaching New York.  After having arrived, he realized he wasn’t in New York at all, and that it was just a bad LSD trip.  In his shirt pocket are three pens: one from Mont Blanc, a second plastic ballpoint from Bic, and a Tide-To-Go, just in case he spills any of his daily plate of spaghetti on himself.  He likes his coffee like he likes his women: with red hair.  He refuses to pay for parking, refills, or food.  An avid flyfisherman and ladykiller, Strummer enjoys attending buffalo races.  He is clinically insane.

Nintendo Jones, reporter.  Jones, 24, is a Tony award-winning journalist who got her name because her parents met over a game of Duck Hunt.  She covers City Hall, state politics, business, technology, environment, agriculture, sports, arts & entertainment, restaurants, and furniture.

Bob Goldwater, reporter.  Goldwater, 57, came to Tobacco Avenue in 1997 after nearly two decades in the cigarette industry.  Needless to say, he thought Tobacco Avenue was some sort of leaf manufacturer, and, ever since arriving, has just kind of walked around with a blank stare on his face.

Heather Hart, reporter.  Hart, 24, is not actually employed by Tobacco Avenue, nor does she exist.  We just needed another woman up here for some diversity.  She is also of whatever race that you choose.

Jared J. Mamczak, photographer.  While not an actual photographer, Mamczak, 78, has become incredibly prolific at searching Google Images for material.

Jon Di Canavacciuolo, columnist.  After a recent guest column about the trials and tribulations of accidentally bringing a manatee to work, Di Canavacciuolo, 31, was given the first full-time position as a columnist at Tobacco Avenue, tasked with discussing, in great detail, all his mistakes in life.



Head Writer and Founder: Jeff Kelley

Contributors: Tony Scida, Tom Keiper, Max Heyworth

One thought on “Staff

Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: