Reporter Writes Upbeat Story About Flying Squirrels In Attempt To Get Season Tickets

As baseball’s opening day approaches, the Richmond Flying Squirrels – who became heroes to everyone in the metro area last year after bringing back America’s pastime and are generally an amazing, philanthropic organization – are looking forward to another stellar year of just being a great community member.

The Flying Squirrels are looking to beat an already league-leading attendance record in 2010, and I know if I was somehow included in a game’s program I could probably get like 100 to 150 extra people to come, perhaps through a series of blog or Facebook posts or even a few well-timed Tweets. Analysts predict that it wouldn’t have to be like the first game of the season or anything, it could just be a midweek game in the middle of the year when they didn’t already have an exciting giveaway lined up. Team’s choice; I’ll do whatever.

“We’re really looking forward to giving back to the community we call home and continuing to provide the best family-friendly experience and atmosphere for the citizens of Central Virginia,” said Squirrels Chief Executive Manager Chuck Domino, an upstanding guy who if he ever needed anything, anything at all, can just give me a call.

Anything you want, Chuck. Just name it. I’ll make your wildest dreams come true if you first make mine.

For the Squirrels’ opening game, the team is looking for local celebrities to throw out the first pitch or lead the National Anthem. Candidates to do so will undoubtedly include local TV news anchormen, area musicians and radio personalities, but wouldn’t it be great if the team embraced some more unconventional media outlets, such as, say, a moderately popular regional web blog.

“That is really cool that the Squirrels are doing that,” people would probably think, and they’d love the team even more than they already do, which is impossible when you think about it.

“The Squirrels are so amazing and generous to people of every race and creed and sexual orientation,” people would add, lovingly.

Also new and exciting for this season, Domino said, is seriously, I’m not kidding here: if you gave me enough notice ahead of time I could really get in some solid practice for singing the National Anthem. People would really like that and my mom says I have a pretty voice like Josh Groban’s. Perhaps when you call I can give you a quick preview over the phone.

Preseaon predictions indicate that the Squirrels roster, packed with sluggers and golden gloves alike, will be hard-pressed to find any legitimate competition in the Eastern League. Also, if season tickets aren’t in the cards, a free t-shirt or maybe some hot dog and beer vouchers would be just fine. Again, that’s a team call. Just a suggestion.

Domino said everyone should get ready for nine innings of very reasonably priced fun and refreshments, especially June 5-13, June 19-21, July 1-25, and the entire month of August, when my schedule is totally open.

Also, I’d really like to shoot the t-shirt cannon.

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