Dirtiness Down 2.8 Percent At St. Gertrude

Dirtiness, the leading indicator of hotness at Richmond’s Saint Gertrude High School, fell nearly 3 percent compared with the same time last year, officials at the all-boy’s Benedictine High School said today.

The drop marked the fourth straight quarter of dirtiness decline at the girl’s school and caused jitters among Gertrude investors at the military school, located just two blocks away in Richmond’s Museum District.

“Though we’re still not seeing the levels of Dirty Gertyness that we all experienced in late 2008, there are signs that this key index is on the rise, including our savvier investors’ soaring interest rates in a number of the new girls over there,” said Brad Sellars, a senior at Benedictine. “And not only does this year-over-year gap appear to be closing, but we’ve witnessed a number of depressed girls recently flood the market and I’d expect many Benedictine consumers will pick up these properties at rock-bottom pick-up lines.”

Added Sellars: “Did you see that blonde chick crossing Hanover [Avenue] yesterday?”

The 18-year-old said he expects dirtiness to return to 2008 levels by late 2011, and also, do you think if he gave you a few bucks you could buy him and his friends some beer.


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