Hokies Looking Good This Year, Reports Man With No Knowledge Of Sports

The Virginia Tech Hokies are looking pretty strong this year in respect to both their offense and defense, a Richmond man who does not follow college football or sports told his peers today.

“I tell you, [Virginia Tech Head Coach] Frank Beamer, man, he’s still going strong out there,” said Nick Sheppard, mentioning the only name he knows that is associated with the Hokies, though he still remains unaware of Beamer’s contract extension to 2016. “He’s bound to retire this year or next.”

Also “looking solid” for the Hokies this year, according to the 27-year-old: The cornerback, the halfback, first down opportunities, the running game, all forms of fielding, touchdowns, the ball-handling, and the entire season as a whole.

When asked whether tailback David Wilson would redshirt this season, the tax analyst refused to speculate. Sources say Sheppard has no idea what redshirting means.

According to Sheppard, who claims to enjoy watching college football but really only does it for the drinking with friends aspect, Tech could face some pretty tough competition this year to claim the No. 1 spot in the ABB, particularly from the likes of South Carolina, Colorado and Alabama – all of which are states that he is “fairly certain” have college football teams.

In a last-ditch effort to prove that he knew what he was talking about to those around him, Sheppard noted that “it’s pretty cool” how the Hokies run out onto the field while that one Metallica song is playing, and did you know that they do that, because not everyone knows that.

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