‘Ever,’ Magazine Says
The Richmond Canal Cruise, a 40-minute informative tour of the city’s canal system and nearby walking areas, was named the saddest of its kind in the nation today by American Boat Cruiser magazine.
The honor, which carries with it a $2,500 fine, recognized the cruise’s depressing top speed of 3 miles per hour, its heartbreaking views of an electrical station, and its near soul-crushing passage under an aluminum plant – an aluminum plant, for Christ’s sake.
The tour also includes a brief glimpse of the Virginia Holocaust Museum, the magazine noted.
“From cities like New York and Chicago with their fantastic river boat rides showcasing their breathtaking skylines, we wanted to honor Richmond’s own boat cruise for being nothing like that,” said Majorie Todd, editor of American Boat Cruiser. “And did you know that, while on the ride, the tour guides inform passengers that the city’s canal system was designed by George Washington to connect the the eastern part of the river to the west for trade purposes? How could anyone torture people like that?”
The magazine offered several tips for improving Richmond’s Canal Cruise, including turning the three boats into artificial reefs, or just making the whole thing a shoot-the-chutes amusement ride.