National Explosion Tied To Awesomesauce Leak

An explosion that completely destroyed Richmond’s National theater yesterday has been tied to a leak of the venue’s highly-flammable awesomesauce, which caught fire and ignited, investigators said.

No one was injured in the blast that leveled the popular Broad Street entertainment venue and sent portions of the National‘s epic dopeness flying thousands of feet into the air.

The awesomesauce-filled auditorium, which could hold 1,500 people, had a frigging 10-person hot tub and a sauna in the headliner’s dressing room, bars everywhere, and a great view from pretty much anywhere you sat or stood, has hosted a number of well-known artists in recent weeks. Local officials say yesterday’s incident raises doubt about the city’s ability to contain such a sick-ass music house – and the crazy awesome musicians it attracted – in the middle of downtown.

A sauna and a hot tub, for Christ’s sake.

“With elegant, modern decor and the superb acoustics offered by the National’s state-of-the-art V-DOSC sound system – one of only six in the country – it appears that the National was just too incredibly cool to even exist,” said Richmond Lt. Fire Marshal Michael M. Strickland, who later confirmed that four firefighters were treated for minor awesomesauce burns.

“Seriously, the place had seven bars,” he added. “How sick is that?”

National spokesman Gerry Reid told reporters that he expected the concert hall to be rebuilt, only this time with steel cast by the MjĒ«llnir of Thor himself in order to contain the space’s sweetness.

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One thought on “National Explosion Tied To Awesomesauce Leak

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  1. Lieutenant Strickland’s lying, those firefighters are never going to be the same again, long term or acute exposure to high levels Awesomesause can change you forever. Being city employees, I guess we will be picking up their medical cost for years to come. They will most likely never return to the Fire Department but instead become roadies for some half rate jam band or worst a washed up folk singer.

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