Oh No, Some Guy From High School Spotted In Grocery Store

Oh no, some guy from high school who you have nothing against but you only sort of knew was just seen in the canned-foods aisle of the grocery store, you reported.

“Oh no, what do I do? Pretend I don’t see him? Evade him until he sees me, then act like he saw me first?” you said, noting that the guy – who you think is named Derek – never did anything to annoy you, it’s just that you don’t want to stop and make small talk in the middle of the Broad Street Kroger, and you don’t really care what he’s been up to for the past couple years, and you just want to innocuously pick up the items you need and go back to the security of your home.  “I think he was in my science class or something, I don’t know.  It’s been like eight years, I can’t really remember.”

“Oh my God, he’s walking this way,” you added, turning your shopping cart in the opposite direction and picking up the pace.

According to you, this is the third time in less than a month in which you have bumped into someone from your past or present who you had no desire to converse with. Just last week at Ellwood Thompson’s Natural Market, you spotted that guy who was friends with your best friend’s ex, and since you forgot his name, made a bee-line to the cashier even though you hadn’t finished shopping.  And in mid-February, you pulled up to a red light on Cary Street and were horrified to learn that your sister’s best friend – one of the nicest people in the world – was directly beside you in the left turning lane.

Sources said that, in that case, you pulled your car up an extra three inches to avoid all eye contact despite the fact that you think you were recognized. Sources also said that all of these encounters would have been “no big deal” if you were intoxicated at the time, but in all cases you were either operating a vehicle or the people were not spotted during typical drinking hours.

Back at the grocery store, Derek – whose actual name is James Shelton – said he thought he caught a glimpse of you  turning your cart away from him on aisle 12, but noted he did his best to avoid you because he’s always thought you were a horrible, horrible human being.


3 thoughts on “Oh No, Some Guy From High School Spotted In Grocery Store

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  1. Breaking: Velvet’s owner has had charges dropped – and – he has announced he now is backing Lil’ Wayne’ 2012 presidential campaign with a new banner.

  2. Yeah so I’m in the Carytown Kroger Wednesday, I cross paths with a suspiciously familiar woman 3 times in the store. It becomes awkward after the second path crossing, we still do not speak. After passing number 3 I realize I’m attracted to her but still don’t know why she seems so familiar. Now moving into the parking lot I’m within range of her for the 4th time, I suddenly realized we briefly dated 2 years ago. Woops. I jump in the car and speed away! Ahhh grocery stores.

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