God, creator of the universe and the person responsible for providing snow plowing throughout the city of Richmond, apologized for the slow response in clearing the streets after last weekend’s snowstorm, claiming He just had to muster up some rain in order to wash it all away.
“Sorry about that, folks, didn’t mean for you all to have to drive around in all that slush and snow, which of course turned to ice every night and made it quite dangerous and rather impossible for children to get to school and hard for workers to make it to the office,” the Almighty said, noting that He took full blame for not sending in rain or warm weather much sooner than yesterday. “Cleaning up the city streets is My sole responsibility and no one else’s – and for failing to do that, I sincerely apologize.”
Richmond residents, however, said they aren’t pleased with their Creator.
“If God knows these storms are coming well in advance, why can’t He prepare a bit more or at least have some form of emergency-plan in place instead of waiting half a week to clean this stuff off the roads?” asked Janice Samuels, who questioned why she gives her hard-earned money to the church if He continuously fails to provide such essential public services. “Instead of waiting three to four days after the snow comes, God needs to get up off His lazy ass and get our roads cleared.”
Added Samuels: “Lord knows no one else is going to do it.”
God, however, did note that He was planning ahead for this weekend’s expected snowstorm by summoning up warm weather by “no later than Tuesday,” possibly sending in rains if a single day of warm weather failed to clear the roads, and by buying a 24-pack of Natty Light.