Richmond Mayor Dwight Jones received a brand new pinup poster of Marilyn Monroe in the mail yesterday, the 61-year-old announced during a noon press conference. Jones noted that he would swap out his older, dingy Rita Hayworth poster with the new one as soon as possible, and when no one is watching.
“I would like to thank my friend Red for helping me acquire this vintage Marilyn Monroe poster for my office wall because I…I…I love just posters of old movie stars, that’s it,” said Jones, who was confined to City Hall in January 2009 after serving a 14-year sentence in the Virginia House of Delegates. “This poster, which is the same size and shape of the Rita Hayworth poster I’ve had for the past year, will be placed in the exact spot on the wall simply because I really like having my posters in that location, and, I assure you, it is not because that spot is only 30 feet away from a line of sewer pipes that could ultimately lead me to freedom.”
The poster acquisition comes on the heels of Jones’ request for a new rock hammer, which he has been using to carve his own homemade chess set – yeah, yeah, a chess set, that’s it – from pieces of rock.