Big, Pretty Project That Will Never Happen Unveiled For Shockoe Bottom

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Something that looks really neat for downtown but will certainly never come to fruition was unveiled for Shockoe Bottom yesterday, a project heralded by city leaders as “really, really just the cat’s pajamas, totally for real.”

The thing, said to be a $100 million to $150 million heritage site for slavery or something historical like that, could, in theory, be really big and pretty and also supposedly draw tourists to Richmond with that prettiness, officials said.

“Don’t forget the thing’s bigness, which could also be a huge draw for tourists from all over the place – like even the world maybe,” said Richmond mayor Dwight Jones, who has long been an ardent supporter of the delusional project.  “This thing looks super awesome on paper, no doubt about it.”

In an emailed response to a question as to whether the project would ever see the light of day, the mayor wrote, “LOL.”

Using common dream project-unveiling phrases such as “put Richmond on the map,” “increase tourism,” and “big and pretty,” officials said the big and pretty project thing would include a slavery museum and a glass-enclosed archaeological site, as well nearly $500,000 in city funds that will be ritualistically buried in a hole.

Mayor Jones said that if all goes according to construction plans, the concept will be toyed with, tinkered with, and run out of town by as early as January.

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10 thoughts on “Big, Pretty Project That Will Never Happen Unveiled For Shockoe Bottom

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  1. Yup, I’m still waiting for the shinny new First Freedom Center in Shockoe Slip complete with the Micheal Graves designed First Freedom Memorial spanning the James River that was announced 10 years ago.

  2. Actually an expensive out-of-town consultant will be hired by the city, who will issue a report that says the project in not viable. Undaunted, the city will proceed to build it anyway. It will be reviled by the city residents as being “out of character” with the traditional Richmond whatever. 10 years later, an expensive out-of-town consultant will be hired to help “save the big pretty thing”, which is no longer pretty (if it ever was). The report will recommend demolishing the big pretty thing and replacing it with condos. Undaunted, the city will proceed to spend many millions for renovation. The result will be reviled by the city residents. 10 years later, an expensive out-or-town consultant will be hired to help “save the big pretty thing.” The report will recommend demolishing it and building a parking deck. Undaunted, the city will proceed to spend many millions……….. (ad infinitum)

  3. “Well if it looks good on paper”— WOW. The size of this baby must be enough to replace the bottom as a whole. Remember “Shinny”

  4. Sounds just like Doug Wilder’s Slavery Museum dream for Fredericksburg that never happened and just left a bad taste for everybody.

  5. bring in the clowns! might make the cut in another far flung stimulus package being conjured up by our “bold new leadership” reading rhetoric to the eager masses via CNN.

  6. I’ll tell you what. I’ve lived in Richmond my entire life, and NONE of this junk has ever lived up to its promise. 6th Street, River Walk, you name it. The only thing thriving downtown ic VCU. Meanwhile, they do nothing to help out the spots Richmond really loves: Brown and Belle Isle, Maymont, Dogwood Dell, etc. People do not come to Richmond for these things. Let’s not fool ourselves. People come here for our history, both from the Revolutionary and Civil Wars. The trick is to make the Dell, Maymont, and the river cool enough that they are the things tourists take away with them as memories. Sure, St John’s church is cool, but the view of the Rivah from Maymont is what they will remember.

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