14 Killed After TIE Fighter Crashes Into Downtown

An out-of-control TIE fighter spacecraft plummeted to the ground in Richmond this morning, killing 13 city residents, a pilot of the Galactic Empire and injuring several dozen others in what police are calling a “catastrophic” air disaster.

TIEOfficials said the errant starship hit the ground at a speed of nearly 700 miles per hour and immediately burst into flames after falling out of the sky from a galaxy far, far away.

A spokesman for Sienar Fleet Systems, which manufactures all variants of the TIE fighter – including the TIE bomber, TIE interceptor, and the TIE advanced prototype, created exclusively for the Dark Lord of the Sith – said the company was still determining the exact cause of the crash.

“At this point we do believe one of the TIE’s twin ion engines was hit by a laser cannon blast off a Rebel Alliance [X-wing] craft,” said Jonathan Kvarsis, an SFS spokesman, stopping short of wishing the TIE pilot’s family any condolences.  “You must understand, these men are trained to be loyal to the Empire and will accomplish the mission at any cost, including their own petty lives.” 

Witnesses said victims on the ground stood no chance in the crash of the TIE fighter, known for its speed, maneuverability and lack of a hyperdrive and shields.

“To think that one minute you can be walking down the street minding your own business, and the next you’re killed by a TIE fighter, it’s just tragic,” said David Ernst, who watched the TIE’s ball cockpit bounce several hundred yards and crash into a cafe. 

Added Ernst: “You’re really not safe [from TIE fighters] anywhere these days.”

Advertisements

One thought on “14 Killed After TIE Fighter Crashes Into Downtown

Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: