City Allocates $6.3 Million For Hole To China

In an effort to strengthen business relations with one of the world’s largest economic superpowers, Richmond City Council voted 9-0 yesterday to build a nearly 8,000 mile hole directly to China.

The $6.3 million hole, expected to begin construction early next week on the Southside, will offer residents quick and easy access to the Asian country – which has the third-largest GDP in the world – by simply jumping through and coming out the other side.

“China plays a huge role in the world market, and by having this unrestricted traveling ability through a hole is unprecedented for our city,” said 2nd District Councilman Charles R. Samuels, who originally proposed the hole in early 2008.  “Also, I always had dreams of digging a hole like this when I was a kid.”

The 7,892-mile hole will be dug 55-feet-wide and take nearly three years to complete.  Once finished, residents will be able to walk up to the side of the hole, jump in, and freefall for two hours, passing directly through Earth’s innermost core before coming out the other end in the world’s most populous country. 

“We’ve made what should be a week-long trip to Hong Kong something that can be done by the time you’d normally get home from work,” Samuels said, noting he plans to help dig the hole with his trusty shovel.  “It’s gonna be so super cool.”

Should the hole prove successful, Samuels said, council has set aside an additional $4.2 million to build sofa forts for all Chinese visitors who use the hole to visit the city.

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