Internet Sources: Ukrop's To Be Sold For $350 Katrillion, Begin Manufacturing Speedbikes

According to Internet sources, Richmond-based grocery chain Ukrop’s Super Markets Inc. is expected to be sold for nearly $350 katrillion, will begin manufacturing high-end motorcycles, and is planning to move its headquarters back to its home country of Ukropia.

News of a possible sale of the grocery store chain to Harris Teeter, first reported by industry trade magazine Food World, was picked up by local blog RichmondNewsThings.blogspot.com, where the rest of the story unfolded yesterday afternoon.

ukrops“Just heard in Food World that Ukrop’s is getting sold to Harris Teeter.  Probably for like $350 katrillion and several buckets of fried chicken and Rainbow Cookies hahaha LOL.  Maybe will also start making motorcycles or something crazy like that, who knows,” the blog post said.  “Perhaps they’ll even move the HQ back to their homeland of Ukropia ROFLMAO!!!!111!! :-)”

The blog also noted that, in addition to the production of motorcycles, the 28-store chain will get its own reality-TV series and cease selling milk and bread starting in August.  Official word of the sale is expected to be announced by singer Mariah Carey later this afternoon, the Internet reported.

Also, the blog also noted, after Harris Teeter’s purchase the company plans to open a 29th location in Cloud City, the outpost on the gas-filled planet Bespin.

The Richmond News Things blog post was picked up by at least 20 area Twitter users, who spread word of the sale and its details.

“I heard all that, plus each Ukrop’s employee is being given a free trip to Forestville, Wisconsin and a DVD boxed set of Walt Disney’s Classic Cartoon Favorites,” wrote Twitterer Parul Jarman.  “Makes sense, when you think about it.”

In addition to the $350 katrillion purchase price – which will be paid up front in cash – the cost includes nearly 140 pounds of corn dogs and a live black bear, according to this guy we talked to yesterday who seemed to have some knowledge of the deal.

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3 thoughts on “Internet Sources: Ukrop's To Be Sold For $350 Katrillion, Begin Manufacturing Speedbikes

Add yours

  1. Why can’t “we” wait for Ukrop’s to make an official announcement without filling up the air with one countless rumor after another. I really don’t want to hear what “Joe Blow” has got to speculate on concerning Ukrop’s. What and when Ukrop’s decides to do about their business I have no doubt will be made known when a decision is made, by them, and not us.

  2. I agree with Pat, in that we need to quit throwing rumors around like this. Besides, Everybody knows that both Kroger and Walmart have outbid Harris Teeter by a longshot. We’re just waiting now to see which one has more guts. I just wish Trader Joes got a hold of at least a few more stores in our area. Hooray for Joe!

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