With yet another plan for a ballpark being pitched at a riverside site across from downtown, roughly 1.2 million Richmond residents today beseeched city leaders to, for the love of God, please make it stop.
“At this point, I guess I support baseball in Richmond or whatever, but if we have to go through a few more years of studies and news reports and public forums about this crap, I swear, I’m going for the gun,” said North Side resident William Wright, noting that he is only half-joking. “What do they want? Is this about my money?”
Added Wright, handing over his wallet to a reporter: “Here, take all I’ve got.”
Many city residents echoed his comments. One woman interviewed for this story said she would rather be buried alive than read yet another newspaper story on where funding would come from for a new baseball field.
Several citizens mentioned that, should another proposal be “pitched” or “put onto the table,” they would fall back into their illegal drug habits, turn to alcoholism, or gleefully spend hours alone crying in a living room with the blinds tightly drawn.
Also: Jesus Tapdancing Christ, here we go again.
The reactions come on the heels of an informal discussion to build a ballpark on 17.5-acres on the south bank of the James River. Upon hearing the latest idea for baseball – less than a week after a similar plan in Shockoe Bottom was nixed – many city residents fell to the ground, crying, begging for relief.
“Dear Lord, I understand that while taxpayer dollars would be required to fund a stadium, along with support from regional entities and done in ways that are consistent with the Downtown Master Plan,” Fan resident Francis Clements prayed, “but if this means hearing about this for the next several years, I would rather you take my first-born.”