Informal Survey Finds No Local Celebrities Dead In Past Two Weeks

A quick check of the Richmond-area celebrity population has found that none have died during the past two weeks after the recent outbreak of high-profile celebrity passings, according to an informal survey by researchers at Virginia Commonwealth University.

The study – in which researchers browsed through obituaries, attended concerts to make sure local musicians were still breathing, and watched TV news to make sure all reporters and anchors remained cognizant of their surroundings – concluded that no local well-known personalities had been found dead in the past week either by natural causes or foul play.

“When you look at what a horrible two weeks it has been in Hollywood, with Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett and so on, you just have to be thankful that Richmond really came out on top in this one,” said Patricia Sherman, a sociology professor and lead author of the study. “Our city still has all of its talented local musicians, reporters, actors, and even bloggers, if you consider bloggers celebrities.”

“Which I do not,” she added.

Since no celebrities have died, Sherman said, she ruled out several causes of death, including murder, falling headfirst into an active volcano after a skydiving accident gone awry, being torn apart limb-by-limb by a gaggle of geese, or attending a Jonas Brothers concert.

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