YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS – In what dream officials are calling “one of the worst nightmares we have ever experienced,” that guy from the Dominion Auto Group commercials appeared in a horrifying dream of yours last night, forcing you to wake in a deep sweat.
According to you, the Dominion guy – the spokesman for the dealership for more than 20 years – materialized in your nightmare for what seemed like 50 hours and just stood there, staring straight ahead. The guy then repeated your name over and over again, along with the company’s current offer of zero percent interest for two years or $2,000 cash back.
“He just kept saying my name, and I woke up real fast because I thought the guy was in my room,” you said. “I thought it was real and that he was going to kill me, or, at the very least, try and sell me on a [Buick] LaCrosse.”
According to your Oneirology Department, the bloodcurdling nightmare began at roughly 1:10 a.m. and is believed to have entered your mind after the viewing of a 15-second Dominion Chevrolet ad yesterday evening during the 11 p.m. newscast. The commercial, which featured the guy from the dealership as it always does, was apparently retained in your subconscious and revived more than two hours later in what the department called “one scary-ass dream.”
In the vivid sublimation, the Dominion guy was reportedly hell-bent on making sure you picked up your baby brother from golf practice, demanded you study for Mrs. Tutak’s statistics class, and requested that you light four candles and buy the first edition of the Superman comic book in order to ensure that the Apollo 11 astronauts successfully ordered a round of beers and tapeworms at a local Applebee’s restaurant.
According to sources, your attempts to explain the nightmare to coworkers were met with blank stares, and not a single colleague seemed to care one way or the other.