Editor Up In Arms Over His Chicken Alfredo

What was to be an enjoyable family meal at the Olive Garden restaurant took a turn for the worse last night after writer and editor Don Harrison verbally assaulted a waiter, line cook, and assistant manager over the temperature and taste of his chicken Alfredo, sources said.

In addition to listing numerous “almost criminal” problems with the pasta dish – which was, by most accounts, perfectly fine – the highly cynical Richmond blogger also managed to also rattle off several conspiracy theories that, he believed, were perpetuatedharrison1 upon his $9.95 Italian dinner.

“You know what the best thing about this meal is?  The fact that I’m out of dog food,” said Harrison, whose acerbic tone is typically reserved for criticism and pot shots of city officials, downtown planning, transportation and government spending.

Also: people, things, materialism, consumerism, grocery stores, animals, the media, bloggers, movies, the arts, corporations, Don Harrison, coffee, children, sports, picture frames and, in an isolated case, the Reeds, his elderly neighbors who in July 2007 forgot to mow their lawn for an entire week.

“Gee, Mr. Waiter, you didn’t think I’d actually consume this pasta dish that has apparently been made, not with love, but with Kraft cheese, did you?”  Harrison asked the red-faced Olive Garden employee.  “Let’s try again, shall we?” 

The 49-year-old Harrison also managed to take a dig at the restaurant chain’s popular unlimited salad and bread sticks, which are offered with every meal. 

“This stuff is ‘free,’ is it?” Harrison said, using his fingers to sardonically air-quote certain words as he spoke.  “Did you ‘pay’ a corporation for the lettuce when you could have ‘freely’ used a local supplier?  Some ‘free’ food you’re schlepping in front of us.”

Harrison later blogged about his experience at Olive Garden – overloading the post with nearly two dozen hyperlinks to previous articles – while enjoying “every bite” of his chicken Alfredo in the privacy of his home office.


10 thoughts on “ Editor Up In Arms Over His Chicken Alfredo

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  1. Neither have I. Where is the fact checking here? The Chicken Alfredo was actually OK. But the fact that the “never ending” pasta bowl actually DOES end needs to be addressed and you can look forward to a 1,900 word essay on that topic tomorrow at Save Richmond. PS: Serious beeswax, TA-ers — do you really think I’m 49 years old?

      1. How typical of the satirical “blogosphere” — to fact check the story AFTER it is published. Tsk, tsk. You overshot by five.

  2. I keep reading this as “ Editor Up To His Arms In Chicken Alfredo”, which to me is much funnier.

    1. I appreciate that. We don’t really know what it means either, but typing “cynical” into brings up some brave new terms.

  3. I doubt this report, for the basic reason that I cannot imagine a situation in which Don would allow himself to be put into an Olive Garden.

    1. I can verify it. I was on a surveillance mission drinking strawberry coladas in the bar when Don came in wearing sunglasses, Bermudas and his trademark purple crocs. He spent the entire meal taking surreptitious notes, sending tweets and making time with his server.

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