Strip Club Owner To Honk Strip Club Hummer’s Horn To Impress You

velvet1

Velvet gentlemen’s club owner Samuel J.T. Moore III announced plans today to not only drive his heavily-modified Hummer H2 around downtown for the next few weeks, but to also honk the horn – all in a wide-ranging effort to impress you.

“Look how cool my Hummer is,” Moore said, noting he also plans to blast hip-hip singer Chris Brown’s “Kiss Kiss” from the truck’s big speakers to try and wow you, sweep you off your feet, and, quite possibly, leave you speechless.  “Did you notice the wheels and shiny hubcabs?  They’re like 20-something inches, which, as you can tell, bigger is awesomer.”

The 44-year-old Moore said the horn honking will take place at various corners of the city for the next 180 days, just so that you won’t miss it.  Additionally, Velvet’s owner – who sources say just winked at and pointed his finger like a pistol toward you – made clear that his Hummer “Sport Utility Truck,” wrapped in a graphic of scantily-clad women, was kick-ass, and you should be aware of that.

Moore, speaking from the driver’s seat, then exited the vehicle, missing his step and falling the entirety of the Hummer’s impressive 2.5-foot lift directly onto his face.

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15 thoughts on “Strip Club Owner To Honk Strip Club Hummer’s Horn To Impress You

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  1. I woulda paid for a front row seat to the entire show. In fact, I mighta tucked a USGrant into his G-string, had I had said front-row seat. The fitty wouldn’t have helped him buy any class, but it mighta/coulda helped him buy a 40 (or five) to dull the pain of a blacktop face-plant…

    And the pain of being such an ***hole.

    1. MC–looks like a Hummer is communicating his values and living his brand…isn’t that what you preach as a media branding mogul…what’s your complaint?…Moore seems to be finding his customers quite well…

  2. This story is full of sh*t. Get a life and leave the guy alone…he has enough to deal with! You making light of his situation is just a p*ssy thing to do!!!

  3. …, (If that is your real name),
    If these Hummers are going to be put out on the streets of Richmond and they’re going to drive all over the city honking and being loud, then yes, I think the story above is merited, even if it’s fake. The guy is putting himself in the public spotlight and therefore is exposed to public news and blogs such as the glory that is tobacco avenue.

    if Sam Moore doesn’t want people “making light of his situation” (his situation being parking Humvees outside of his establishment?) then park those things away.

  4. are you people so #*&^@)* stupid you can’t read sarcasm in this? sam moore is way over your heads…i knew this guy a long time ago and even today i’m sure i’ve never met a more amazing gentleman than the one i met one night in greenville. we waltzed (no kidding), we kisssed , talked a lot and didn’t even think about screwing that first night (i don’t believe the rape BS either my guess is a different motive altogether)… which by the way is still one of the best i’ve ever had….screw you people that say this guy is an embarassment to Hampden-Sidney, Richmond and your Virginia “wish we were aristocracy” mindset… all you self-absorbed losers that like to parade around in your mc mansion houses, clothes and cars & are in debt up to your ass because you so want to impress (who is my question??)..wake up and look around…the only people that give a crap are people just like you. this guy has moore class than you’ll ever know and if half your cerebellum was functional even you could see the last laugh is his. we don’t all hear the same drummer or we’d all be as boring as you.

  5. not sure as i’m not the “source” but, those words sure sound like a chapelle show script to me..where’s dave when you need him???

  6. natasha- that would be “rich”mond and thanks..TA- then again that chapelle reference just might offend thy very residents which i’m sure reside “noth” of the james…oops..who are you….???

    1. yeah but, then i wouldn’t have had so much fun reaming the people that take this stuff seriously…suggesting the offer of a 40 or 5 is just being the ass you (MightyCasey) suggest of mr. moore as a last thought. bet you believe in cougar attacks and james river manatees too.

  7. For the next 180 days, ha! I like this post better than the mayor ones. The mayor is mostly boring but those SUVs are annoyingly trashy with their stupid song-playing horns.

  8. I knew Sam from high school, as quiet, polite kid, whose Mom had just died. At least he had the guts to get out and do something exciting with his life rather than watch TV.

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