Velvet gentlemen’s club owner Samuel J.T. Moore III announced plans today to not only drive his heavily-modified Hummer H2 around downtown for the next few weeks, but to also honk the horn – all in a wide-ranging effort to impress you.
“Look how cool my Hummer is,” Moore said, noting he also plans to blast hip-hip singer Chris Brown’s “Kiss Kiss” from the truck’s big speakers to try and wow you, sweep you off your feet, and, quite possibly, leave you speechless. “Did you notice the wheels and shiny hubcabs? They’re like 20-something inches, which, as you can tell, bigger is awesomer.”
The 44-year-old Moore said the horn honking will take place at various corners of the city for the next 180 days, just so that you won’t miss it. Additionally, Velvet’s owner – who sources say just winked at and pointed his finger like a pistol toward you – made clear that his Hummer “Sport Utility Truck,” wrapped in a graphic of scantily-clad women, was kick-ass, and you should be aware of that.
Moore, speaking from the driver’s seat, then exited the vehicle, missing his step and falling the entirety of the Hummer’s impressive 2.5-foot lift directly onto his face.