Faced with a low graduation rate, fiscal mismanagement and poor public perception, Richmond Public Schools Superintendent Yvonne W. Brandon said in a press conference this morning that the public school system is on the verge of, ohmigod, there is a group over there selling Girl Scout cookies.
“There have been some missteps in this school system in the past, and we are poised for change,” Brandon said, noting that Richmond schools enroll only two-thirds of school-age children in the city, but whatever, does anyone have another dollar for a box of Samoas? They’re only $3.50, and I got like $2.20, and Jesus those things are good.
I’ll pay you back.
“Something about kids or truancy or something,” Brandon probably said, likely noting an important percentage of some sort, let’s say 52 percent, along with vanilla cookies dipped in caramel and toasted coconut and laced with chocolate stripes. “School stuff, kids, children and how they are our future,” the superintendent more than likely said at some point during the 20-minute press conference, which feels like it is lasting a lifetime until I can get my hands on a few boxes of those things.
A statement about speciality programs. An update on remediation efforts. They are definitely almost out of Trefoils, I can tell, because I don’t see any more yellow boxes anywhere over there. Oh, and frigging Tagalongs. Forgot about those. You can buy and eat them now, right? Like, I don’t have to put in an order and wait a few weeks like you used to. No? Good. Good.
Great to hear.
Brandon noted that the public school system’s dropout rate is among the worst in the state, which, speaking of Virginia, that reminds me, there are some great farms here, many of which have dairy cows, which produce milk, which I definitely need to make sure I have enough of before I crush a sleeve of Thin Mints after this stupid meeting.