Imprisoned NFL quarterback Michael Vick has been approved for release to home confinement and will finish his 23-month sentence for dogfighting at your house, sources said today.
“Based on his good behavior, we are going to let Michael out early, where he will have all the creature comforts of your home, the freedom to play touch football with your kids, eat at your dinner table, and get some sleep just several rooms away from yours,” said probation officer A.J. Wilson, noting Vick is looking forward to spending some “QT” with your daughter, watching football on TV with you, and reading beginner’s books to your son by a crackling fire.
“Mr. Vick will of course be monitored electronically, so no need to worry about him ever leaving your house,” Wilson said. “Ever.”
In a statement, Vick said he “couldn’t wait” to start settling in, noting he and his friends would be happy to watch over the home and take care of your pets should you decide to go on a week’s vacation.