Lee Bridge Under No Threat Of Collapse, But Let’s Just Say It Did

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Officials reassured citizens today that Richmond’s Lee Bridge is safe after a piece of concrete fell from the roadway during the weekend, though, to make this article way more interesting and newsworthy, let’s just pretend the whole entire thing swayed, buckled and then violently crumbled into the river.

“The entire bridge is absolutely 100 percent structurally sound, though, what a news story that would be if that wasn’t the case,” said Paul Meyer, the city’s assistant director in the Department of Public Works, noting such a horrific event would likely remain the top news story for at least the next two weeks on all major news outlets, and draw “significant” celebrity news personalities into the region.  “It would really put Richmond on the map in terms of news coverage, however tragic and unlikely such a thing may have been.”

“I’m just saying,” he added.

While the 2,100-foot span over the James River was reopened to vehicle traffic yesterday, the footbridge to Belle Isle remains closed, Meyer said.  Though imagine, if you will, if both bridges were open, and there were tons of people nonchalantly walking across the walkway and like 200 cars driving across at the height of rush hour, and then the bridge gave way, and how, like, how totally in chaos the city would be right now if that happened. 

There would probably also be at least four news choppers in the air, sources said, and maybe even some National Guard presence, which would totally be badass.

“As crazy as that scenario would be, it would make a great made-for-TV movie, or even an in-theater movie with Josh Hartnett or something,” said Fan resident Tim Stevens, who traverses the Lee Bridge daily to his office in south Richmond. “I’m glad nothing is wrong with the bridge, but on some sick and twisted level, it’s kinda too bad nothing was wrong with the bridge.”

The 3-foot-long section of the Lee Bridge that fell was from a repair patch that was applied in 2005, Meyer said. He noted the patch would have stayed in place much better had crews used roadway-grade concrete instead of Silly Putty.

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2 thoughts on “Lee Bridge Under No Threat Of Collapse, But Let’s Just Say It Did

Add yours

  1. “I’m not saying, I’m just saying.”

    I vote for Christian Bale over Josh Hartnett for the movie. For such a high stakes, gut wrenching scenario you need someone that can really let the language fly.

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