Toddler Hijacks Mall Choo-Choo

A toddler hijacked the Short Pump Town Center choo-choo this morning and held two hostages-wostages captive on the brightly-colored children’s ride, police said today.

The hostages were belietoddlerved to be his baba and Nana, sources close to the investigation said.

Henrico police sergeant Darren L. Muskie said officials received a 911 call at 10:02 a.m. that the toddler, identified as 2-year-old Justin Miller, had just finished his num-nums at the food court when he boarded the choo-choo and pulled out a bang-bang in front of several other similar-age passengers and their guardians. 

Once at the controls, the toddler careened the choo-choo into the Brookstone store, where it smashed through the glass doors and came to rest on a display of Tempur-Pedic sleepy-byes and slippers.

Witnesses described the scene as horrifying, but nonetheless adorable.

“I saw this cute, brighty-eyed kid just come out of nowhere and start crawling up the aisle, you could tell he was going straight for the conductor,” said choo-choo passenger Jeanne Matson, who tried to calm the crazed toddler with a binkie and a wawa.  “There was no stopping him, not even with the prospect of doing some uppies or a going on horsey ride [on a thigh].”

Police said six of the choo-choo’s passengers are being treated for ouchies, but their boo-boos are not expected to be life threatening.  The hostages later escaped after the toddler decided to take a nappie-pie.

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