2008 Review Of Richmond’s Annum: Nov. And Dec.

Combining Two Months Into One Post Because You Remember All This Stuff, It’s Already Jan. 5, And We’re Getting Lazy

Nov. 3: One day before the election, longshot mayoral candidate Lawrence Williams abruptly remembers that he’s running for mayor.

Nov. 4: Just as Virginia Board of Elections officials had suspected, a pack of four velociraptors storms a Richmond voting precinct, killing 17 voters and leaving at least 30 more injured.jones

Nov. 5: Newly-elected Richmond Mayor Dwight Jones thanks supporters, promising better days ahead for the city and to never, you know, go all crazy and flip out and stuff, unlike some Richmond mayors he knows.

Nov. 20: Richmond School Board member Keith West is reprimanded by city officials after it is discovered that he was collecting Garbage Pail Kids cards and trading them with fellow members.

Nov. 21: Alone and wondering where all his friends and family have gone, the iconic statue of the Native American brave at The Diamond is diagnosed with clinical depression.

Nov. 24: Roughly 210,000 homes in Richmond are left without access to an essential Thanksgiving Day food after freezing temperatures cause a 12-inch underground stuffing pipe to break, sending nearly 13 tons of the poultry-cavity filling bread product hundreds of feet in the air and backing up morning traffic for miles.

Dec. 1: Local woman Connie Schaefer tells reporters that her Venti non-fat mocha from Starbucks tastes slightly pretentious.

Dec. 5: Despite the strict limit of only two per caller, commemorative plates of Richmond Mayor-elect Dwight Jones don’t sell has heavily as planned, the Virginia Historical Society Mint says.

Dec. 6: CBS6 producers hold a high-level, 11th hour, emergency meeting to discuss a new angle for the annual dangers-of-Christmas-tree-lights story.

Dec. 6: In a move Wall Street analysts call “most perplexing,” Philip Morris and Circuit City announce a $7.2 billion merger to create the world’s largest and only consumer electronics retailing tobacco company, simply because the two are headquartered in Richmond.

Dec. 6: A day shy of Tobacco Avenue’s one-year anniversary, Editor and Publisher Randolph J. Strummer Jr. is killed in a fiery plane crash off the coast of Utah.

Dec. 9: Ha ha, fooled you.

Dec. 16: Seconds after its maiden launch, the U.S.S. Patrick Henry, the Navy’s newly-commissioned attack submarine based out of Richmond, runs aground in the shallow waters of the James River.   

Dec. 17: A case of Darling clementines is found acting like a bunch of assholes.

Dec. 31ish: Tobacco Avenue is named a “Best Local Blog” by Richmond.com and inRich.


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