2008 Review Of Richmond's Annum: February

A Good-For-Nothing Month With Not Enough Days, One Of Which Is Dedicated To A Rodent

Feb. 1:  CBS6 Reporter Ashley Wise is suspended for three weeks after accidentally using the derogatory commuter slur “rubbernecker” during a morning traffic report.

Feb. 3: A patron mispronounces a pasta item on the menu at Mamma Zu and is denied service, then dragged into the men’s room and horrifically executed for his error.  Albert T. Duquesne, the waiter who killed the man, was not charged with a crime, as the victim “should have known better,” polnickelice said. 

Feb. 3: New England loses Super Bowl XLII, however, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady still awakes the next morning within inches of supermodel Gisele Bundchen.  Brady said he would have been gratified to make the Pats’ season a picture-perfect 19-0, but would gladly accept 34-24-34. 

Feb. 4:  Lynchburg native Leland Melvin becomes the first African-American person from Lynchburg named Leland Melvin to blast into space. 

Feb. 5: Despite heavy spending at grocery stores across the U.S. on Super Bowl Sunday, Ukrop’s Super Markets Inc. sees some of its lowest sales of 2008 on what is traditionally one of the biggest food and beverage-buying days of the year. 

Feb. 6:  Virginia Commonwealth University tests its new emergency sirens, giving students the comfort of knowing that if something bad is ever happening in their classroom, not to worry: a loud siren will sound and come to save them.

Feb. 6: The Carillon, that tall brick lighthouse-looking thing in Byrd Park, celebrated what was probably its 100th birthday.  Seen from all around, probably up to 50 miles away or so, the Carillon symbolizes an object that remains a great symbol or possibly beacon to something treasured and, in all likelihood, important.  It was probably built around the time of the Civil War, maybe.

Feb. 7: Three years after its completion, local residents say the stainless-steel sculpture of the police officer’s head hanging on the side of the Richmond Police Department continues to scare the living shit out of them.

Feb. 7: Children across Petersburg learn a valuable life lesson – “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” – as budget cuts force the school district to stop providing needy students with free lunches.

Feb. 9: Virginia residents are told to stay locked indoors, close their window blinds and go out only for emergencies in what Gov. Timothy M. Kaine called “two of the darkest days in Virginia’s 400-year history:” a weekend where presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton made campaign stops across the state leading into the primary.

Feb. 11: In its first few weeks of operation, the much-ballyhooed Infuzion lounge is attracting large crowds, a trend that would end quickly after straight people soon realized the nightclub was a gay bar, and gay people soon realized the nightclub was stupid.  Infuzion closed a few months later, after its famed “ice bar” was hit by an ocean liner.

Feb. 11:  A 19-year-old is charged with shooting and gravely wounding Dan Teodorescu, an ice cream truck vendor and immigrant from Romania who had planned to return home and marry his fiancee.  Of the incident, Teodorescu said he was “how-do-you-say, ‘very, very upsetting.'”

Feb. 13: Unlike the claims made in the automobile dealership’s television commercials, the 45-minute drive that area man Lionel Kornblith took to Colonial Honda was not worth his while.

Feb. 18: Theives are reported stealing copper downspouts off homes in the Museum District to sell for profit, proving that some people will go to great lengths in order to make a quick penny, or in this case, several thousand of them.

Feb. 20: Local couple Daniel and Catherine Cox, en route to Blockbuster Video, hold the standard two-person conversation about how shockingly high-priced French restaurant 1 North Belmont is – despite an outward appearance that suggests otherwise.

Feb. 21: The Smithsonian Institution announces that Pat Corbett, a 340-pound Richmond man who possesses the ability to eat up to four plates of Joe’s Inn spaghetti in a single setting, has had his talent elevated to a globally-recognized art form.

Feb. 23: Roughly a dozen Richmond police officers and federal agents hold a rare “guy’s night out” at Club Velvet, enjoying the Shockoe Bottom establishment’s seminude entertainment, cheap dinner buffet, and helping themselves to several boxes of the club’s belongings.

Feb. 26: Lulu’s has now been in business for a few weeks, and in addition to the fine menu, my, what an adorable name for a restaurant!

Feb. 27: Ferdinand Magellan, who made the first successful circumnavigation of Earth during the 16th Century, tells reporters that he is having “a hell of a time” trying to find a news story published earlier in the week on inRich.com.  Unlike his voyage in the 1500s, he eventually gives up searching on the news site.

Feb. 27: Richmond-area picnicking rises roughly 30 percent after a company that makes makes paper plates, bowls, cups and lunch bags moves into the area.

Feb. 28: In a sign of things to come later in the year, a North Side couple being kicked out of their home by the bank for failing to make monthly payments on their two-story house says they are still unaware of the definition of “foreclosure.”


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