Dwight Jones Swears To Not, You Know, Go All Crazy And Stuff As Mayor

Newly-elected Richmond Mayor Dwight Jones thanked supporters last night at his victory party, promising better days ahead for the city and to never, you know, go all crazy and flip out and stuff, unlike some Richmond mayors he knows.

“It’s a new day fjonesor Richmond, one of prosperity and a place where we’re going to start new some conversations,” said Jones, a Virginia delegate since 1994. “And for the record, people, I won’t like, make wacky accusations, or pick fights, or kick city School Boards out of buildings on Friday nights simply because I was a little power hungry, or other nutty stuff like that.”

“Not talking about anyone in particular.  I’m just saying,” added Jones, who was also quick to explain that all his screws are tight, that he is of sound mind, and his temper remains hinged.

The 60-year-old further noted that he would also never try to look younger than he actually is, you know, by growing a goatee, “which I have recently seen some local mayors attempt to do.”

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