Libbie And Grove Merchants Sued For Excessive Adorability

Businesses operating around the Libbie and Grove intersections were handed a class-action lawsuit today for what some local citizens are calling “egregious adorability of the Avenues,” asking for nearly $1.2 million in compensatory cuteness-related damages from the various shops and restaurants.

The lawsuit – filed by a consortium of Richmonders who say they are “overjoyed to the brim” each time they pass through the picturesque shopping and dining area – charges that during the past four decades, the roughly 45 shops located “on the Avenues” have “willfully and intentionally” brought upon feelings of comfort, irresistibleness, and small-town charm to area residents and tourists.

“While we can appreciate the allure of spending an evening inside the mid-20th century movie house of the Westhampton [Theatre], or the enjoyment of sipping a hot or cold beverage on the sidewalk near the street, we are here to say: Enough is enough,” Margaret S. Berman III, a Richmond attorney representing the citizens, said during a press conference held at the bucolic intersection, as the sounds of birds chirped overhead.  “As much as it hurts to do so, I plan on meeting up with my girlfriends later today at that new wine bar across the street, just because it looks so enchanting.”

“And that is why we are seeking to put an end to the easy-to-love mentality of Libbie and…oh my!  Look at that adorable purse!” she said, her breath taken away and her skin tickled pink at the sight of a chic handbag sitting in the window at women’s fashion boutique Monkeys. 

Daniel Fray, an attorney representing the merchants, said the businesses would “vigorously defend” the allegations of overt preciousness and would make sure that the stores and cafes, “with their personalized service and attention to detail, are able remain as cute as a newt.”

“So precious,” he added, looking really Libbie-Groveish in his driving mocs, khaki shorts and polo shirt while sipping a skinny Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte with Sugar-Free Syrup and a dab of whipped cream from the nearby Starbucks.


3 thoughts on “Libbie And Grove Merchants Sued For Excessive Adorability

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  1. These shopping centers get all the desirable names!

    Maybe we could brighten up our city with some cute new signage, to point out our other various attractions, such as “The Crack Dealers at South Meadow”, “The Hot Dumpster-stink on Carytown”, or “The Pandhandling Crust Punks at Devil’s Triangle”.

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