Redskins To Start Providing Orange Slices At Halftime

After a disappointing loss to the New York Giants last week, Washington Redskins head coach Jim Zorn said today that team will commit nearly $3 million during the next three months to fund the supply juicy orange slices for players during halftime.

The announcement comes just a day before the Redskins take on New Orleans at FedEx Field, where the home team is 6-4 against the Saints, though Zorn said defeat “is only possible this year” if the Washington sidelines are properly stocked with several bags of oranges, sliced into wedges by player’s wives and moms, to be enjoyed after the second quarter and before the start of the third. 

“The [players] love it.  They come in, grab a handful, and off they go again,” Zorn said.  “These guys know that when they come off the field, they’re going to have a sweet treat waiting for them, and – if our football moms step up to the plate and deliver – perhaps even some Ecto-Cooler Hi-C drink boxes to refresh themselves.”

“It gives the guys something to work for out there,” he added.

Team analysts applauded the move.

“Clinton Portis has been really strong running the ball even early on this year,” reporter Gary Fitzgerald said, “and I would expect the a few orange wedges help strengthen him as a pass-catcher as the season goes on.  Plus, you should see Santana [Moss] put the rind over the front of his teeth like a mouth guard.  Cracks the whole team up every time.”

Zorn noted that Jason Taylor, who is nursing a knee injury, will still be able to enjoy the oranges throughout the game, though the defensive end was only hoping that all his teammates would be able to sign his cast before the end of Sunday.


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