Mayoral candidate Paul Goldman rips hella wave in Hawaii

Breaking personal records previously unseen, Richmond mayoral candidate Paul Goldman said he gustered a rippin’ reef breaker then murk’d some scubetubeular shackage off a wooka tesani wave in Hawaii last week.

“Dude, it was wicked shibby hiddie, like, coming off the lip I got this epic airdrop, skimmed a killer left-hander and was pretty sure I’d pitchpole and get maytagged off the dismount,” said the 62-year-old, a self-proclaimed “surfrat” known for his love of Virginia politics, rather quirky personality and trademark checkered sports coats.  “For a while there I thought I’d biffed it on that hugangus fang, but I gunsmoked out the kicker and iced the foamer before I got blasted.”

“It was coolaphonic,” he added.  “Fierce.”

Goldman, who told this week that schools and eliminating government waste would be his top priorities as mayor, said he was way garshed after a full day of swell glass-jazzing, then went off with his brodies to meet up with some chici-ti-tas for brew-shnizzles.


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