Illegal immigrant life of Cinco de Mayo party

Attendees at a Richmond Cinco de Mayo party last night said the annual event would not have been as entertaining were it not for the presence of Tomas Guinvera, an illegal immigrant from Mexico.

“That dude who ‘habla’d Espanol’ was hilarious, the life of the party,” said 24-year-old Lisa Webb, who noted that Guinvera – an undocumented masonry worker – was “bouncing off the walls” with off-color jokes, witty slice-of-life commentary, and a humorous recollection of crossing into the U.S. with nothing but a plastic bag, a dream of supporting his family back home while earning wages nearly four times what he could make in Mexico, and an umbrella.   

“I am so glad he could be here,” Webb said.  “At the party, I mean.”

As one of the estimated 12 million illegal immigrants seeking kick-ass partying opportunities in America, Guinvera – standing on a roof with arms outspread – proclaimed an end to law-enforcement raids of overly-loud social gatherings, deportation of underage drinkers and called for increased activism for legal drinking-age reform from 21 to 18.

“These are issues that I hold close to my heart, not only as as Mexican, but as a guy who loves to, like, whatever man,” shouted Guinvera, 24, before smashing a Corona bottle across his scalp and hurling himself from the roof into the pool below.

“Most of us, to break the bottle then take that jump like he did, you’d have to pay like a hundred bucks to see something like that,” said partier Noha Flack. “The Mexico dude did it for a shot of bourbon and a pack of Chicklets.”

Added Flack: “And not only did he do it way funnier, but he did the whole thing for a much lower cost than we ever would.”

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