Promoters of the Ukrop’s Monument Avenue 10K say this April’s race will be a national men’s championship, though absolutely none of the American-born runners have a chance at winning the title.
Instead, organizer Jeff McDaniels says naturalized citizens of Kenyan, Ethiopian or Moroccan descent will, for the history of mankind’s 300,200th year in a row, remain an “unstoppable force of the forsaken human spirit” to anyone – particularly, U.S. born athletes – who dares to cross their path.
“The championship is open to all qualified runners born here or who have citizenship here,” McDaniels said. “But let’s be serious. Do any of us train in the high altitudes, therefore increasing lung capacity? No. Are you a part of the elitist runners who make up the Kalenjin tribe? Of course you’re not. Unless you weigh fewer than 130 pounds or ran to school every day as a child, you’re better off sleeping in on April 5.”