Tag Archives: politics
Governor Hoping This The Day He Finds Self Piloting Harrier Jet Above City
After two days of making speeches and introducing transportation plans the General Assembly, Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell told reporters today that he was hoping 2011 would be the year that he suddenly finds himself at the controls of a … Continue reading
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17 Voters Dead In 'Calculated' Velociraptor Polling Precinct Attack
Just as Virginia Board of Elections officials had suspected, a pack of four velociraptors stormed a Richmond voting precinct early this afternoon, killing as many as 17 voters and leaving at least 30 more injured. The ostrich-size dinosaurs – which … Continue reading
Filed under City
Officials: Stupid Old People Having Trouble Working Polling Computers
Virginia Board of Elections officials are cautioning voters to be patient this morning as hundreds of “stupid old people” experience difficulty in operating the incredibly user-friendly voting machines. The stupid old people, defined by officials as “some voters older than … Continue reading
Filed under City
Undecided Voter Casts Vote For The Scrambled Eggs
Though he remains unsure of which presidential candidate to vote for today, Henrico County resident and undecided voter Adam Morsey, when faced with the meal-changing choice, decided to have his eggs scrambled at a local diner. The election to have his … Continue reading
Filed under City
Mayor Candidate Dwight Jones Upset His Campaign Bobbleheads Didn't Arrive Before Election Day
Filed under City
Lawrence Williams Temporarily Forgets He’s Running For Mayor
‘Oh Shit!’ underdog candidate reportedly says Richmond mayoral candidate Lawrence E. Williams temporarily forgot that he is running for mayor, sources reported today, sending the political hopeful “into a tizzy” at a downtown cafe earlier this afternoon. Seen with co-workers … Continue reading
Robert Grey Putting Finishing Touches On Kick-Ass Victory Playlist
Richmond mayoral candidate Robert J. Grey spent the majority of his Sunday finalizing his iPod’s kick-ass “VICTORY” playlist, to be heard only if he emerges as the winner in tomorrow’s election. “I’ve got some great stuff on here, no doubt,” … Continue reading
Filed under City
Wilder ‘didn’t not know’ he was receiving car allowance
Richmond Mayor L. Douglas Wilder today denied denying that he never not knew he was receiving an extra $700 a month in his pay, saying that he “didn’t not” realize the vehicle stipend was being deposited into his bank account. … Continue reading
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